The Jake Virtanen conspiracy: The first cross-continental "Bag Skate" punishment for his hiccups to the meadia

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The Medicine hat Machiavelli's strike again!

The Alberta-Axis-of-Evil  of Aquallini, Linden-Benning and Dejadains have struck another blow against upstanding hockey fans everywhere, as they have once again had intimate relations with the mind of every BC hockey fans favorite protagonist and victim extraordinaire Jake Virtanen.

His inexplicable 2-day sentence to live and play amongst the peasants of Utica, farm team to the Vancouver Canucks, became even more bizarre when after watching the team get what it had coming to them in the form of a 7-2 ass kicking by the New Your Rangers our young hero has been sent BACK to Utica.

That's 2 cross continental flights in 3 days, blah!!!` Kill you now! The airports! The Cavity searches! The hoping them don't find your crack that far up your crack, if ya know what I mean......
Well, I don't think Jake has been smoking any crack (Willy has been hogging it all judging by his twitchy mannerisms) now that I think about it, he probably would have hit someone during a game if he had been, but even sans crack those flights are exhausting, and for pro athletes, who have a constant need to stretch and move the muscles,which are always in danger of locking up on them, you better believe they feel the physical effects for days after.

Make no mistake, this reeks of an NHL coaches favorite punishment: The Bag Skate, where crotchety mean old coaches with Harold Ballard-like personalities try and make their squads puke through forced death march cardio, only instead of the rink after hours (Like Kurt Russel in the movie miracle) this one takes place high above us and for thousands of miles overs days?

Probably, because saintly Jake, has the occasional tendency to whine. You didn't think the Canucks brass were going to let his personal press conference a few weeks back go unavenged did you? Jake gathered the media and as only a Justin Beiber fan can, he Emo'd for more ice time with every possible camera right there to see it. It was embarrassing for Linden and company, a management team of rookies that is rolling out of control towards a cliff and sure destruction, the last thing the Canucks brass needed during their darkest hour when every fallacy they've tried to sell the fans for the last 3 years has come back to bite them in the ass. It was infuriating that just as people ere beginning to ask "Wat exactly IS a RETOOL ON_THE_FLY anyway?" That their price draft pick would start acting like a bit of a RE-TOOL himself?

Well, the punishment has fit the crime and jake's is bumping Biebs in rest-belt obscurity where he belongs and the Canucks have let him know exactly where he stands, somewhere between re-tool and fly I think.

But Neither Jake Virtanen, or the Canucks Brass, or what's left of the fan base have anymore of an idea what the hell that is,

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