Go Fenwick yourself!!: Evidence mounting that Advanced statistics in Hockey are for LOSERS!!!
It was only a matter of time,
From the moment I became aware of advanced hockey statistics I was sure the day would come when NHL fans all over North America woke up slapped their foreheads and exclaimed:
"WHAT THE F%$CK WERE WE THINKING !"
Why so sure you ask? Well, there were a few dead giveaways that to my eyes and those of other discerning hockey fiends, marked the latest and most annoying fan trend to enter the NHL since those "Breath Right" nose strips in the 90's, with a due date. And I believe any day now fans will collectively be running from fridge to sink trying to hold a full carton of Corsi as far from their noses as possible.
The NHL is in the entertainment business. I don't know about you but any form of entertainment that demands one rummage in the attic for their university mathematics textbooks does not make for a fun night. As much as people like to act as if the NHL were an essential service, like police or firefighters, it is no different than locking the bedroom door for a little "private" web browsing or playing Pokemon Go, (Did I date myself? Was that SOOO 2 months ago?) The brain activity analyzing these "Stats" demands makes me feel like I'm at work. When I'm lying on the couch in my speedos, sipping on a TAB cola, it may appear I'm all business but I assure you, working I am not.
So they aren't fun, STRIKE ONE! (If I may borrow a phrase from another sport that also isn't fun) so where did they come from? Think about it, if hockey is leasure, then who used their leisure time to come up with this crap?
I don't know, but whoever they are they aren't getting much action. Go up to a girl the next time you are at a get-together, start talking to her about the difference between Corsi for/against...you will die alone with advanced stats, I promise you that, but let's look at some more concrete examples of statistical dysfunction (S.D for short, see your Doctor) How about this....according to advanced stats....
THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS ARE ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN HOCKEY!!
Yes, that's right. According to Ad-Stats the Vancouver Canucks are rated highly enough in shot creation and suppression that they should in fact be in the NHL top ten teams. But we all know this isn't the case.
The Canucks cannot score and cannot, therefore, win hockey games. Ad-stats do not account for this. In fact an NHL GM who swears by ad-stats should be doing all he can to trade for our players or hire away the coach, but that's not happening, because the Canucks, in reality SUCK!
And it doesn't stop there.
You know who else is an elite NHL squad? The CALGARY FLAMES! Yes our similarly pathetic sworn enemy is apparently also everything a hockey team should be, except for the fact that the Flames are mired in a horrible slump and panhandling for goals right alongside us. In fact we should tell them to get off our block! They are cutting our grass..
And it doesn't stop there, I just finished reading an editorial that states, according to advanced stats, Dougie Hamilton is a MUCH better defenseman than Kris Letang! Examples can be found all over if you do a little digging, there are so many instances where the numbers do not reflect the reality, but there is one egregious pimple on the ass of ad-stats, that to my mind, should have led to their dismissal ages ago,
They differentiate between first and second assist, giving preference to the first assist
Anyone who has played knows what B.S this is. How many times have you seen a player strip the puck in his D-zone, rush up ice, beat someone one on one to get the puck deep, as he attracts checkers, he makes a slick pass into the slot, where one of his teammates is standing around, that player wacks at the puck, the puck goes into the crease where another teammate has posted up, the puck bounces off the players stick and into the net. That sort of goal happens all the time, and in this case, the 2nd assist is responsible for 80% of the goal. I have watched the Sedin twins their whole career. I've watched them make magic with the puck and bounce the puck in off the ass of any teammate lucky enough to play with them. The 2nd assist on a Sedin goal can qualify as a work of art and national treasure, and these stats are going to say it isn't as important as what the monkey in a hockey jersey munching bananas in the slot did? Do you have any idea how many of Gretzky's points were 2nd assist? In the "New NHL" transitioning the puck between zones is the single most important talent a player can posses, hence the "Puck moving D" fetish that has sprung up over the last decade. With checking tight and coaching systems adhered to as religion, taking your team from defense to offense makes you the modern equivalent of a 50 goal scorer in the 80's and it is that guy who gets the 2nd assist.
What's that you say? Ad-stats at least accounts for the zone transplanting I just called the most import of skills? Not really, they are more concerned with shots produced after such movement then the movement it's self, in ad-stats a guy who sees the other team changing, lollygags to the redline and dumps the puck in would be rated higher than a guy moving heaven and earth to gain the zone only to have his linemates screw up the rush. But with the Letang/Hamilton ratings scandal, should we be surprised?
Make no mistake friends, Dweeb-stats are on their way down the toilet as surely as the head of the guy who created them during his high school recess. And though over population is a problem, I urge you to give up advanced stats now and enjoy all that life has to offer.
Tell your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner I said "Your welcome"
From the moment I became aware of advanced hockey statistics I was sure the day would come when NHL fans all over North America woke up slapped their foreheads and exclaimed:
"WHAT THE F%$CK WERE WE THINKING !"
Why so sure you ask? Well, there were a few dead giveaways that to my eyes and those of other discerning hockey fiends, marked the latest and most annoying fan trend to enter the NHL since those "Breath Right" nose strips in the 90's, with a due date. And I believe any day now fans will collectively be running from fridge to sink trying to hold a full carton of Corsi as far from their noses as possible.
The NHL is in the entertainment business. I don't know about you but any form of entertainment that demands one rummage in the attic for their university mathematics textbooks does not make for a fun night. As much as people like to act as if the NHL were an essential service, like police or firefighters, it is no different than locking the bedroom door for a little "private" web browsing or playing Pokemon Go, (Did I date myself? Was that SOOO 2 months ago?) The brain activity analyzing these "Stats" demands makes me feel like I'm at work. When I'm lying on the couch in my speedos, sipping on a TAB cola, it may appear I'm all business but I assure you, working I am not.
So they aren't fun, STRIKE ONE! (If I may borrow a phrase from another sport that also isn't fun) so where did they come from? Think about it, if hockey is leasure, then who used their leisure time to come up with this crap?
I don't know, but whoever they are they aren't getting much action. Go up to a girl the next time you are at a get-together, start talking to her about the difference between Corsi for/against...you will die alone with advanced stats, I promise you that, but let's look at some more concrete examples of statistical dysfunction (S.D for short, see your Doctor) How about this....according to advanced stats....
THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS ARE ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN HOCKEY!!
Yes, that's right. According to Ad-Stats the Vancouver Canucks are rated highly enough in shot creation and suppression that they should in fact be in the NHL top ten teams. But we all know this isn't the case.
The Canucks cannot score and cannot, therefore, win hockey games. Ad-stats do not account for this. In fact an NHL GM who swears by ad-stats should be doing all he can to trade for our players or hire away the coach, but that's not happening, because the Canucks, in reality SUCK!
And it doesn't stop there.
You know who else is an elite NHL squad? The CALGARY FLAMES! Yes our similarly pathetic sworn enemy is apparently also everything a hockey team should be, except for the fact that the Flames are mired in a horrible slump and panhandling for goals right alongside us. In fact we should tell them to get off our block! They are cutting our grass..
And it doesn't stop there, I just finished reading an editorial that states, according to advanced stats, Dougie Hamilton is a MUCH better defenseman than Kris Letang! Examples can be found all over if you do a little digging, there are so many instances where the numbers do not reflect the reality, but there is one egregious pimple on the ass of ad-stats, that to my mind, should have led to their dismissal ages ago,
They differentiate between first and second assist, giving preference to the first assist
Anyone who has played knows what B.S this is. How many times have you seen a player strip the puck in his D-zone, rush up ice, beat someone one on one to get the puck deep, as he attracts checkers, he makes a slick pass into the slot, where one of his teammates is standing around, that player wacks at the puck, the puck goes into the crease where another teammate has posted up, the puck bounces off the players stick and into the net. That sort of goal happens all the time, and in this case, the 2nd assist is responsible for 80% of the goal. I have watched the Sedin twins their whole career. I've watched them make magic with the puck and bounce the puck in off the ass of any teammate lucky enough to play with them. The 2nd assist on a Sedin goal can qualify as a work of art and national treasure, and these stats are going to say it isn't as important as what the monkey in a hockey jersey munching bananas in the slot did? Do you have any idea how many of Gretzky's points were 2nd assist? In the "New NHL" transitioning the puck between zones is the single most important talent a player can posses, hence the "Puck moving D" fetish that has sprung up over the last decade. With checking tight and coaching systems adhered to as religion, taking your team from defense to offense makes you the modern equivalent of a 50 goal scorer in the 80's and it is that guy who gets the 2nd assist.
What's that you say? Ad-stats at least accounts for the zone transplanting I just called the most import of skills? Not really, they are more concerned with shots produced after such movement then the movement it's self, in ad-stats a guy who sees the other team changing, lollygags to the redline and dumps the puck in would be rated higher than a guy moving heaven and earth to gain the zone only to have his linemates screw up the rush. But with the Letang/Hamilton ratings scandal, should we be surprised?
Make no mistake friends, Dweeb-stats are on their way down the toilet as surely as the head of the guy who created them during his high school recess. And though over population is a problem, I urge you to give up advanced stats now and enjoy all that life has to offer.
Tell your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner I said "Your welcome"
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